Graham & Nick’s Karaoke Turn

Someone gave these two a beer and listen to what happened:
karaoke

Dangerous Minds

Old Eltamians – Home – Won

As is customary these days, the game started with Ward meeting the opposition captain and duly winning the toss without any fuss. It is almost like he knows the outcome beforehand. Spooky. We would field which is also customary these days.

Some teams have curious rituals to follow in order to prepare themselves but here at Wrotham the ritual is more about Nick running around rounding up the players and getting them onto the field. Thing is as soon as he turns his back they generally wander off again. It’s like taking your ancient and slightly smelly grandfather to the shops and expecting him to stay where you left him.

Another custom – the new ball was thrown to Scrooge Butler whose meanness when it comes to giving away runs is legendary. He is as tight as a well known umpire’s wallet.

His partner in meanness was Dave “Toes” Buss. It’s been a while since we last saw this dapper fellow in whites but you cannot keep class down, We were duly treated to a demonstration of guile and accuracy that meant the opposition just couldn’t score a run. Five of his allotted eight overs were maidens and they only scored a measly seven runs in total from him. This, he will tell you ad nauseam, included a three which completely ruined his figures!

The life of a captain is never easy but it is doubly difficult if you are missing two strike bowlers (and arguably three if you count Billy The Kid). So Nick had some juggling to do in order to get enough bowlers and not sacrifice the great start.

In such times you turn to old faithful. Once again Harvey was economical and got the wickets we needed. Just as the batsmen were starting to look settled he bowled some utter rubbish and Bryce and Fennings had some catching practice.

He was ably supported by Kingsnorth despite having a mysterious bad back (good girl, Tracy). Less ably so by Fennell. The run rate crept up to 6 and they were beginning to amass a total.

In desperation Nick brought himself on and produced an incredible leg break that completely deceived the onrushing batsman who was stumped by new boy Mike. Speaking of which, praise should be heaped on this new addition who had a great day behind the stumps. Klondike Pete had better look out.

Rickieeeee Bryce was our last bowling change and despite taking an over or two to warm up he got in on the action and was among the wicket takers.

So, the story of their innings; we bowled well, not so well and not so bad. We fielded very well including a good display by Chicken; a big unit who threw himself about the field to save many a run. It has to be said that he could do with some practice on his footwork though. All of which meant we were looking at 161 to win.

After nearly three weeks away from “The Boys” it was a refreshed and relaxed Fennell that turned up at the ground keen to get back into the fray only to discover that Resourceful Ward had found a host of new players and that his services wouldn’t be needed after all. Not one to be beaten though, our boy put on his best “kicked puppy” look and the resulting wave of pity earned him a start.

Why the desperation to play you ask? Here’s the deal, during the break his nemesis and closest rival for the batting trophy had closed the gap to just two runs so it was vital that he played.

Also, Bryce has been covertly creeping up the table and is more than capable of producing a quick fire ton to grab the prize at the last moment. So Fennell promoted himself to three after a quick word in the captain ear and Bryce was left languishing at five.

Unfortunately for Fennell, Brewer and Ward got off to terrific start and he could only sit there and watch his dreams for silverware disappear. We were 30 before the pitch undid Nick and he got his chance.

Like something out of a Rocky film both title contenders traded blows and insults. Every trick in the book was employed. Fennell refusing a second run to steal the strike. Brewer insisting in running in the first place. At one point they came together at the end of an over, Fennell complained of feeling knackered to which Brewer replied “Is that because you are a fat c**t”. Oh, it was so on.

Largely ignoring the opposition, these two kept blasting away and soon Fennell had a fifty. Then a couple of overs later so to did Brewer. Something had to be done and at the next end-of-over conference Fennell suggested that Brewer only needed one big shot to catch him up. Next ball, Brewer’s stumps were scattered but it would have been a big shot if only he’d connected with it.

These two had put on over 100 runs and we were now only 30 runs short of victory when Baby-Maker Fennings wandered serenely out to the crease. In short order he twice dispatched the ball to the boundary. The first was probably the most delicious cover drive you’re likely to see.

With Brewer out of the way and Fennings not looking like he was going to get out, it was time for Fennell to knuckle down and not let Bryce get in. This is the type of mind you a dealing with. The final few runs came and went without ado and we romped home to an eight wicket victory and for Fennell is was mission accomplished.

Moment of the match
There have been good and bad moments this season. This is one of the latter. Not many people saw this but towards the end of the game, Fennell clubbed a ball straight back at the bowler. With one bounce it skipped past the two fielders in the deep for four. A delightful stroke you might say. So why was Fennell so white and his trousers so brown? Well, such was the force of the shot that it seared past the non-strikers end before anyone could react including a very, very fortunate Chuffer. It actually hit his beard it was that close. An inch to the right and we would have been writing an obituary.

Man of the match
You’d expect that 71 not out would secure this weeks prize but lets be fair, we had loads of batting to come and with the excellent start that Brewer gave us not to mention Fennings’ recent form I don’t think we were going to struggle. However, what did for the opposition was the brilliant performance of Buss. His spell of 8-5-7-1 really knocked the heart out of them and they never really recovered. So when our batsmen started so well their heads dropped and the game was ours.

WTF

I’ve only been away for two weeks and we are second in the league, Brewer is now only 2 runs away from my taking my crown and worst of all Butler hits a fifty. All sense and reason has been abandoned and the end of days is upon us.