Bexleyheath – away – won
Having survived last week’s ordeal of traveling into, for want of a better description, “suburbia” the prospect of returning to that dark and misbegotten place held no fears for us. This coupled with the fact that this week we were playing the return leg of our first game of the season (a relatively easy victory) meant that the mood was one of optimism as we set off up the M20.
Last time we met, the opposition seemed to rely of a couple of key batsmen to get them a score and so if we could nip a them out cheaply then we would be looking at a small target. With this in mind it made sense to stick them in again.
The new ball was thrown to Butler who decided to bowl into the face of what a Scottish crofter might call a fresh breeze but down here, where the people are more sensible, would be called a hurricane. Despite this, he set about to opposition with his usual accuracy and cunning.
Partnering him was the reluctant bowler Dorman; a modest man who feels his greatest assets lie elsewhere but will turn his arm over if needs be. Well, needs be and talent or not he started a great spell off by taking the scalps of their top three batsmen. Ten very economical overs later Captain Ward made his first tactical change; Butler was given a rest and the ball was passed to Buss. Unknown to us, the poor lad has sensitive ears and such was the howling of the wind that he had to abort his run up on several occasions and was left clutching his lugs. Obviously, we were sympathetic to his pain.
At the other end Dorman continued his onslaught. Time then for the return of an old favourite, Gareth “Wild Man” Lister. Here is a man who can bowl a 28 ball over without breaking a sweat. That, however, is all in the past and despite a couple of errant balls down the leg side he bowled a very tidy little spell only conceding 10 runs off his four overs.
Then Captain Ward played his next ace, the Elder Harvey. And ace he was.
The opposition’s most successful batsman was lured by the wily Harvey into hitting a solid but uppish ball to cow corner. Initially it looked like it would clear the boundary for a maximum, then the wind seemed to hold it up and it began to drop short. Butler who was prowling the boundary like a like a shark eying beach full of swimmers could catch this. Hearts rose. Then the wind held the ball up further and it began to fall short of our man. Hearts fell. Butler started forward …. the ball was dropping ever shorter but Butler raced on. With the ball scant feet off the ground he threw himself into a sliding, diving onward rush and engulfed the ball just in time. No one dared to look but with a mighty shout he rose to his feet clutching the ball. We won’t see much better than that this year.
The wind died down then and the aurally impaired Buss came back on to bowl and proved he was far too good for the remaining batsmen picking up 4 wickets for a miserly 12 runs. Kingsnorth got in on the action and disposed of the opposition’s final resistance in fairly quick fashion.
Tea was taken in the recently retrieved marquee (did I mention there was wind?) and we were pretty happy with the days work so far. Once again we had restricted the opposition to a low score – 110.
Now Captain Ward has a fine memory and had spotted the worlds fastest bowler among the opposition. Fear not, he had a plan for this and donned his mighty morphing power ranger suit complete with fetching helmet and accompanied by Steady Steve Brewer went out to face this demon. Disaster! Obviously encumbered by the weight of his armor valiant Captain Ward fell after a couple of overs. Baby Maker Fennings then ran in and was run out in pretty much the same breath.
Time then for Fennell who is a superstitious sort and was clearly upset by having to reach a target of 111 – the Nelson. Things started badly; dropped at second slip in the first over, a couple of streaky runs form the edge of his bat and some frankly wild and ludicrous swings of the bat. However, through racial luck he survived and battled on. Just when Steady Steve looked like he was beginning to get to grips with the pitch, which was worsening by the minute, he was bowled by a good length ball that nipped back in through the gate. We were 29 for 3 and the target looked a long way away.
Buss was next in and displayed cautiousness and skill to see off the opening bowlers. He was the perfect foil to Fennell’s claymore and together they put on a further 60 runs before the pitch played it’s part and Buss was caught in the deep from a leading edge. This was a shame as the game should have finished with both of these players still at the crease.
With 20 runs required, Wee Stevie Oakley strode to the crease hefting his bat on his shoulder like a lumberjack. Now this man is what’s called “a big unit” and is characteristically jolly for a man of his proportions. If he was green then he could endorse cans of sweet corn. You get the picture. Anyhow, we got a glimpse of the strength of the man when he planted his size 14 down the crease and cleanly picked the ball from outside off stump and swept it over the mid wicket boundary for a magnificent six.
Buoyed by this for the next delivery he placed the same foot down the track, played the same shot and ….. was LBW. Damn.
Next in was Duckman Dorman who has been collecting the things like Noah before a bout of rain. He played a rather rash shot and had one more to add to the menagerie.
We were 99 for 6 now. Surely, we couldn’t fail this close to the win? Lister came in the partner Fennell and together they brought the score to 109 before a rush of blood saw Fennell edge the ball to the keeper which brought an end to a fine innings – not pretty but fairly effective.
Butler was next in and finished the game off with an excellent edge for 4 from his first ball. So another win with full points. Marvelous stuff.
Moment of the match
We have seen the organisational side to Capn Ward earlier on this season. This weekend we were treated to his gamesmanship. The changing rooms were undergoing some form of renovation or sterilisation so we were forced to get changed behind the marquee in the middle of what is essentially a public park. In a tactic clearly meant to intimidate the opposition he had Long Jim Dorman who was bedecked in splendid baggy boxers lift a leg just as the tea lady rounded the corner. Such was the sight that greeted her that no amount of smelling salts or counseling is ever going to revive the poor thing. Phase two of Operation Intimidate saw our man Butler being sent in to “chat up” the scorer, a lady of such puritan virtues that she two will be queueing up for the councilor if not an exorcist. With their womenfolk in such distress the men of Bexleyheath could not hope to concentrate on the game. Oh Ward thou truly art the master tactician.
Man of the match
Much could be made of Fennell’s heroic batting performance. Indeed he himself made much of it in the pub afterwards, but after consultation with Chuffer, the title has to go to Stacy Buss. His bowling figures of 4 for 12 are special enough anyway but doubly so as he stopped their middle order getting the extra runs that might have been decisive given how delicate our batting can be. On top of this he played a lovely innings with the bat, first off supporting Fennell and then pushing the score along with some glorious off drives to seal the victory. The only blot on a perfect day was his unexplained cowardliness in the face of a catch out on the boundary.
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